A letter to myself…

And anyone else that needs to hear this!

Do you ever get the overwhelming feeling that whatever you do in life, you’re just not getting it quite right?

That everyone else seems to be doing a much better job than you are at this thing called life.

Do you ever wish that you could go back in time and make some very different decisions? 

Choices that meant you could have completely escaped a huge amount of pain and suffering over the years.

Do you look at other people and yearn for the simplicity of their lives?

When all around you seem to have their lives so beautifully worked out and you’re still searching for that light in what surely must be a never ending tunnel.

When you were a child did you long to be a grown up and do all the grown up things in life?

Then realise that adulting is really not half as much fun as you thought it would be.

True, very true!

I’m feeling all of these things right now, and a whole lot more too, but I’m pretty certain I can’t be the only person.

The cataclysmic ripples from a hellish summer continue to tarnish my world to such a degree that I often feel like I am totally losing my mind; what there is left of it to lose!

No matter how hard I swim against the tide I’m getting swept further and further into despair.

The lifeboat has broken down and I am left swirling around in a storm of such epic proportions it seems like I will soon get swallowed up by all that surrounds me.

Am I alone in this?  Are there others out there struggling?  It’s too dark to tell from where I am.

Perhaps if I shout and scream someone will hear me, but I’m afraid to go down that path as I fear I may never stop crying if I start.

Self-care they say, that’s what you need.  You must fill you own cup or you will have nothing left to give to anyone else.  Read a book, take a bath, go for a walk, do something just for you and make time to do the things you love.

The reality of that is very far from ideal when you have a couple of broken children to contend with and a mortgage to pay.  Time to myself you say, what a strange phenomenon.  As incredibly wonderful as it sounds it’s far from easy to achieve. 

I have a question…

How do you make time for yourself when there is always so much to do? 

There’s broken children to tend too, there’s shopping and cooking, washing and cleaning,  gardening and animals.  Then there’s doing that thing of actually earning some money to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table.  Time to even see family or friends is such a rarity, how the hell do you get this ‘me time’ that everyone keeps banging on about.

Are you in this place too?  Do you feel like there is nowhere left to turn? 

Are you amazed that you’re somehow managing to keep it together each day?  A gazillion plates simultaneously spinning which you are positive are all going to come crashing down around you at any second.

Not just hanging, but dangling precariously on a dangerously thin thread that appears to be stretched to its absolute limits.

You are not alone, I am right there with you.

It’s time to cut the bullshit and admit to yourself that you are not ok right now. 

Stop wearing the mask that you have so carefully created for yourself over the years. 

Start being honest with yourself about how you feel, you teach your children to be open and honest, yet you don’t treat yourself in the same way.  You hide your feelings for fear of being vulnerable, letting your guard down, showing your weakness.

What you forget is that reaching out to people and asking for help is a sign of strength and courage, not of weakness.  So why is it so damned hard to do.  Why does it feel so wrong and so difficult.  Probably because you’re not used to it so start fucking practising so it gets easier!

Stop wishing that you had support from those who clearly don’t give a shit about you, it will just make you feel worse.   Giving them space in your head and your heart does not serve you, let them go.  You will be doing yourself a favour by cutting loose those that don’t support you in life.

Find your own tribe and don’t let others bring you down.  There are people who love you and care for you, you just don’t allow yourself to be open to it.

What other people are doing or are not doing does not fucking matter.  You are you, uniquely you, no one else can be a better you than you.  So stop comparing yourself to those around you, those that you think are winning at life, because they are most likely hiding behind their own masks.

Does it really matter if your house isn’t as clean and tidy as you want it to be 100% of the time?

Is it really such a bad thing if you can’t be arsed to whip up a healthy nutritious dinner for your cherubs for the millionth time so you order pizza occasionally?

Who cares if there’s a pile of washing to put away, the washing police are not going to come along and haul you away for offences towards clothes.

So what if you’ve eaten food you know you shouldn’t have because you’re trying to lose weight?  Give yourself a break, you can pick up on that when your head  and your life is in a better place.

Take the pressure off yourself, you are your own worst enemy when it comes to literally everything!

You are allowed to feel crappy, you are allowed to feel happy.  It’s ok to be up, it’s ok to be down.  Humans are complex creatures with a myriad of emotions and feelings and it’s ok to let yourself go if that’s what you need to do. 

It’s good to blow off steam if you ever get the chance, but don’t beat yourself up for not getting ‘me time’ on top of everything else.  And don’t you dare feel guilty for wanting a break every now and then, you bloody well deserve it and don’t let anyone else cause you to believe that you don’t.   Try and stop for just a moment every day to remind yourself how insanely fucking awesome you are, even if you don’t feel it, you bloody well are! 

Be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else and start thinking of what you need, not what everyone else needs.  Love yourself, yeah it does sound a bit cliched, but why wouldn’t you, you’re awesome remember!

Could someone else walk a mile in your shoes?  Think of all the things that you have dealt with in your lifetime, most people don’t get thrown a fraction of the things you have had hurled in your direction.  You are still here, you are still functioning and you are not giving up.  So please, please stop putting yourself down all the time, if you can’t big yourself up why would anyone else.

Remember this, there are probably people looking in on your life, thinking wow, this person totally has their shit together, I wish I could be more like that.  Don’t believe me, let them have a little read of this and I bet you will be surprised!

“No one has a perfect life

Everyone has something that he wishes was not the way it is”

Stan Lee

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close